They’re Not Just “Being Disrespectful”: What Boys Are Learning Online (and Bringing Into Classrooms)

There’s a narrative floating around schools right now that sounds something like this:

“Boys are becoming more disrespectful.”

“They don’t listen.”

“They push boundaries.”

And while parts of that might feel true in the moment…it’s also dangerously incomplete. Because what we’re seeing in classrooms isn’t just behaviour.

It’s influence.

Let’s be clear-this isn’t about blaming boys

Before we go any further, this needs to be said properly.This is not about saying boys are the problem.

They are not.

What we are seeing is the result of:

• what they are consuming

• what they are being exposed to

• what is being normalised for them online

And right now, the digital world is shaping identity faster than education systems can keep up.

The quiet shift happening in classrooms

This isn’t always loud or extreme. It’s subtle.

It looks like:

• boys making jokes about periods, bodies, or consent

• dismissing female teachers more readily than male teachers

• language like “alpha,” “weak,” or “emotional” being thrown around casually

• increasing discomfort or hostility towards girls in group work or discussions

And it often gets dismissed as:

👉 immaturity

👉 attention-seeking

👉 “just a phase”

But these patterns aren’t random. They’re learned.

The digital layer we can’t ignore

Young people today are growing up in an environment where:

• 95% of teenagers have access to a smartphone

• Over 60% of teens consume online video content daily (YouTube, TikTok, short-form media)

• Algorithms are designed to amplify emotionally charged and polarising content

What that means in practice?

If a young person watches one video about:

👉 “men being dominant”

👉 “women being the problem”

They won’t just see one. They’ll see dozens.

Because the system rewards:

• outrage

• division

• certainty

Not nuance.

The rise of the “manosphere” and simplified identity

There has been a noticeable rise in online spaces promoting rigid, often harmful ideas about gender.

These spaces:

• position men as under threat

• frame women as obstacles or adversaries

• promote dominance as a measure of worth

• dismiss emotional intelligence as weakness

But here’s the critical part:

These messages are rarely presented as extreme.

They are packaged as:

✨ self-improvement

✨ confidence

✨ success

✨ “just telling the truth”

And for young people-especially those feeling uncertain, disconnected, or misunderstood-this messaging can feel:

• validating

• empowering

• clarifying

Even when it’s harmful.

Why young people are vulnerable to this

We need to look at the broader context.

Many boys in schools today are:

• experiencing increased academic pressure

• being overrepresented in behaviour interventions

• receiving more negative feedback than positive

• struggling to find identity and belonging

At the same time, they are:

• spending significant time online

• engaging with content without adult guidance

• forming beliefs in digital spaces rather than relational ones

So when they encounter content that says:

👉 “You’re not the problem.”

👉 “Take control.”

👉 “Be respected.”

It resonates. Because it fills a gap.

“But hasn’t social media been restricted?”

In Australia, there has been increasing discussion-and movement-towards restricting social media access for children under 16. On paper, that sounds like a step forward.

But in practice? It hasn’t stopped the reach of these narratives.

Because influence doesn’t sit neatly inside one app.

It moves through:

• group chats

• shared videos

• gaming platforms

• older siblings’ accounts

• schoolyard conversations

So even when platforms are restricted…the ideas still circulate.

What schools are getting wrong

Schools are still responding to this as a behaviour issue.

And that’s where the disconnect is.

Because behaviour is the output.

Belief is the driver.

When a student:

• mocks a girl

• dismisses a teacher (based on gender)

• uses degrading language

We respond with:

👉 correction

👉 consequence

👉 removal

But we rarely:

• unpack the belief

• question the source

• create space for critical thinking

So what happens?

The behaviour might stop in front of adults. But the belief? That stays.

What actually needs to change

If we want to address this properly, we need to shift from:

👉 control → understanding

👉 reaction → education

1. Media literacy needs to be explicit and ongoing

Not just:“Don’t believe everything online.”

But:

• Who created this content?

• What are they gaining?

• What message is being reinforced?

• Who is being reduced or dehumanised?

2. Schools need to make space for uncomfortable conversations

Avoiding topics doesn’t protect young people. It leaves them unprepared.

We need:

• structured discussions

• guided questioning

• safe disagreement

Because if schools don’t create that space… the internet will.

3. Parents need support-not blame

Most parents are not aware of:

• the volume of content their child is exposed to

• how quickly algorithms escalate messaging

• how early these beliefs can start forming

Simple, open questions can make a difference:

• “What kind of content are you seeing lately?”

• “What do you think about that?”

• “Do you agree with it?”

  
  

Final thought

We cannot behaviour-manage our way out of this. Because this isn’t just about what young people are doing. It’s about what they are learning. And right now, whether we like it or not…they are learning from algorithms.

If we don’t step in-if we don’t teach them how to question, challenge, and think critically- then we are not just missing the problem. We are leaving them to be shaped by it.